Gravity
by Knowledge-comes-Wisdom-lingers
Summary: Arnold has made a decision to search for what means the most to him. Could it be that what he was looking for was right under his nose? Sequel to Stupid


_**GRAVITY**_

Disclaimer: I have no rights to Hey Arnold or to the song Gravity sung by Sara Bareilles

A/N: This is a sequel to 'Stupid' and it is in Arnold's point of view. If you have not read the first fic please do so because there are some references from the previous fic in this one. So I hope you like it! This is also a song-fic. Please review, I'd very much appreciate it! Thanks

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_«Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long_

_No matter what I say or do_

_I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone»_

It's been that way ever since we first locked eyes onto each other. The day I saw her in the rain in front our preschool, I felt the pull. An attraction shall I say, to her. As the Packard pulled up to the building, a display of pink and blonde captured my attention. There she was, standing on the sidewalk dressed in a muddied pink jumper with a pink bow in her hair to match. She looked so dejected and sad as she made her way to the front door of the urban tots preschool. I hurried out of the car in anticipation, and walked up to her and held my umbrella over her head, sheltering her from the pouring rain. All I wanted to do was brighten up her day, see a smile on her face.

I wanted to show her that I cared, that she meant something to me. And when Harold stole her graham crackers, and tears filled her eyes, I reacted instantly. I grabbed my graham crackers and walked straight to her. I offered it with a smile on my face and she accepted it willingly with tenderness in her eyes. As I walked away waving to her I couldn't explain what I felt then, but I knew it felt...right. From that day on, I just couldn't keep myself away from her. Although, she tortured me endlessly over the years; I still cared about her. I remember when Big Patty was set on fighting Helga for making fun of her. I went to great lengths to keep her from beating Helga to a pulp. Just confronting her like I did could have gotten me beaten up. But I did it. I'm not so sure if I would've gone to that much trouble for someone else, but being that it was Helga it was necessary for me to do.

For years, I've tried to push back my feelings for her; yet, no matter what, I end up right where I started. Often during those times, I was... confused, I wondered if she really did hate me. But every now and then I'd catch a glimpse of the sweet little girl who stood outside the preschool in the rain and my heart flutters. She tried to mask it, but I knew. That is why on instinct, I reply with a smile and a 'Whatever you say Helga'. And we go on repeating the same process over again.

Most days and nights were spent thinking about her. In my dreams my feelings for her would come to life. Like the time when I dreamt I was visiting Arnie. I met the most beautiful creature unrivaled to any other. Her name was Hilda. What surprised me then was that Hilda had an uncanny resemblance to Helga, but she was...different. A more refined version of her. I was so smitten by her that I tried to gain her affections albeit unsuccessfully. But as I grew I began to piece things together and understood what drew me to her...her spirit.

She has been a constant in my life throughout the years, and I can't seem to runaway from the memories I shared with her, no matter how far I go. So far it's been three months since I left and I still can't seem to shake the feeling of her.

_«You hold me without touch_

_You keep me without chains_

_I never wanted anything so much_

_Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain»_

Every night, as I lay my head down and try to sleep I can feel her warm embrace surrounding me. I guess I've gotten so used to it that I feel it without her truly being there. I close my eyes trying to wish it away, but unwillingly the feeling still remains. Her presence teases me as I walk the streets when I see a tinge of blonde flocks or pink on another woman. And a wave of memories just flows right back. How can I move on when my heart won't let me? As I step into the foyer at the boarding house I can still smell her lingering scent. Just a whiff of her lavender perfume sends me into a frenzy. So much so, that I have the urge to run back to her and be basked with her soft kisses. And to just feel the caress of her touch over my body. I would then yearn to hear her sweet dulcet voice whispering sweet nothings in my ear. In return, I would shower her with my love, taking away her heartache and sorrow that I bestowed on her.

_«Set me free, leave me be_

_I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity_

_Here I am and I stand so tall_

_I'm just the way I'm supposed to be_

_But you're on to me and all over me»_

Now that I'm gone I should feel free, but I don't. For the life of me,I can't seem to get Helga out of my mind. It's like we're forever linked to each other. How can this be? No one said it would this hard. But...I can't turn back now! I must stand firm on my decision...it was the right thing to do. Right?

What bothers me is that...I don't ever recall a time when I had done something without her help whether it was openly or in secret (And who knows what else she's done without my knowing). I was a dense and optimistic fool to think I can make the impossible actually happen. Here I am now, at 21 years of age taking charge of my life and doing things on my own terms. Just because things were not the way I thought it would be. My life was...a lie. I needed space and time to think for myself, to reevaluate my future. I needed time to discover who Arnold P. Shortman truly is without the expectations. Without other people's influence.

But in my thought process all that came to mind was what is she doing now? Is she moving on? What would she do in this situation? Does she...hate me?

"Grrrrrrrr! Arnold get a grip, (he bangs his head on the table) stop... thinking... about... Helga" He stands "No! I have to be strong, I can do this."

_«You loved me 'cause I'm fragile_

_When I thought that I was strong_

_But you touch me for a little while_

_And all my fragile strength is gone»_

What made her fall in love with me? Well to tell you the truth I wondered the same thing. One day I asked her that very same question and you know what she said to me?

She said it's because I saw good in everyone and especially in her. She said that for once in her life she felt worthy to enjoy life...to be happy. I was astounded that she thought of me this way, I didn't feel myself as someone special. I'm just Arnold. I was a boy who felt compelled to do the right thing. Why? That's what I'm trying to figure out.

After we saved the neighborhood, and Helga revealed herself as Deep voice it made me wonder a lot of things. And over the years more questions than answers would surface as I analyzed them. Like, how many times has she done things like this for me? That's when I remembered, other occasions she has helped me through. When we needed to save Mighty Pete she was there standing by my side, when Harold was about to pound my face in she intervened (in her own way, but she did), when Summer tried to use me to get on Babewatch she looked out for me, she helped me with my float, with the spelling bee I won and many many more. The FTi's rooftop incident was when I discovered the truth that she did it because she...loved me. I remember that day very well. Shaking my head at the recollection, I understood something. You know the saying," Behind every great man there's a great woman". Well I just realized how very true this saying is. Helga has been the backbone of my greatest accomplishments. But without her, without that spark, that fire with me what am I? I'll tell you who I am, I'm a shell of a man without life or ambition. Sure I have the ideas, but accomplishing them was her strength not mine. How can I even stand by her side knowing this?

_«Set me free, leave me be_

_I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity_

_Here I am and I stand so tall_

_I'm just the way I'm supposed to be_

_But you're on to me and all over me»_

Although, I didn't know it at the time she is the one that kept me hopeful and knowing that I can make a difference. She aided me through the toughest of times and helped me shine. She supported me through all my crazy ideas and shined her light on me in my darkest hour. That's what made me the man I am today. According to some, a living legend by the age of 9, ready and willing to stand tall and fight for what's right. That was my reality back then. But now I know better. At times, I feel like she's the one who should be revered for all the achievements and accolades I've garnered from my peers and the community. Helga has been my crutch and I feel like I cannot stand up without her there. I need to be on my own. I need to discover myself again without that crutch. Because I don't know who I am without her anymore.

_«I live here on my knees_

_As I try to make you see_

_That you're everything I think I need_

_Here on the ground_

_But you're neither friend nor foe_

_Though I can't seem to let you go_

_The one thing that I still know_

_Is that you're keeping me down_

_You're keeping me down»_

The day it happened I was torn. I felt that no matter what I decide, things would change. Would it be for the worst? I don't know. But I don't want to look back on my life and regret. There's no denying that I love Helga with all my heart, because I do. But I can't ask her to wait for me while I'm on this journey of self-discovery. She's already sacrificed so much of herself for me, that just wouldn't be fair to her. When I sat her down to explain what I felt, it tore at me to see the expression on her face. It showed disbelief and utter shock at what I was asking of her to do. I kept wringing my hands with the paper I had written my speech on. Although, I had memorized what I was going to say in fear that I would get too nervous that I 'd lose my train of thought. I was unable to look her in the eyes for I was afraid that I would change my mind. I hated hurting her or anyone for that matter, but I needed this desperately.

I felt shame that I had the nerve to sit there and rip her heart out, by ending our relationship. I was disgusted with myself.

I explained to her I felt like I was living everyone else's expectation and that the pressure was getting to me. I felt that I should be on my own, you know, to find myself. She scoffed somewhat at the mention of it. I asked her to let me go, so I won't hold her back from living her life. Without thinking I told her "If you happen to find someone to make you happy don't hesitate to take that chance, I'll live with her decision and will be happy for her (my eyes widen at what came out of my mouth). Did I just say that? I can't believe I'm actually going through with this. My mind was running amuck. I was fidgeting, and my eyes were darting everywhere. Beads of sweat glistened on my skin. I gathered myself once again, there's no turning back now. I have to do this! I said, 'goodbye'. She strongly refused to let me go, but desperate times calls for desperate measures. As she sat there near the kitchen table, I knelt at her feet and intently looked into her tear stricken face. I told her it was for the best. I knew that I was being selfish, but the questions that led me here kept gnawing at me. Eventually, Helga caved in. She accepted our fate and...let go.

Long ago, I wouldn't dream of pushing her away, but now I'm suffocating here. She had the chance to live her life in the shadows with no expectations or pressures placed upon her. But I was always in the limelight doing what's expected of me, it's nerve-wracking. You begin to lose your identity. I guess I tried to live in the memory of my parents by sacrificing myself for others as they did for the green eyed people.

That's not how I thought I wanted to live my life at all, but as a child I needed that connection to them. That's all I had to remember them by. As I grew, I questioned whether my parents would want me to live this way. I'm sure they would be happy no matter what I do. But would they be proud of what I've done? Was following their footsteps what they would want me to do? I doubt that now. Everything feels different nowadays, I just...I expect more of myself. Most of my life has been spent to fulfill someone else's needs, solving their problems, and helping them out while my sanity hangs in the balance. I thought that I knew who I was, but now when I look in the mirror... I don't. Who am I really, without the duties, the reputation, and the expectations hanging over my head?

Don't get me wrong, seeing her suffer this pain breaks my heart to pieces, but I had no choice. "No regrets" I said as I left the apartment, it's for the best; Although, I myself, wasn't completely convinced. As they say 'But what's done cannot be undone'. And for the first time, I put myself first...I should feel free...Right?

It has been nearly four months now since I left and all this time the pain in my broken-heart has not diminished. As a matter of fact, it intensifies the longer I'm away from her and I realize that it won't ever go away,she...was my lifeline.

_«You're on to me, on to me and all over_

_Something always brings me back to you_

_It never takes too long»_

It was raining when I saw her again. I was walking in downtown Hillwood when I saw a flash of pink and blonde. My heart pounded forcefully against my chest at the sight. Incredulously, I figured it was probably some blonde woman who happens to wear pink. 'Just a figment of my imagination' I said. Gaining a better view as she grew closer, I saw it was her. My eyes were transfixed on her running in the rain. Her stride was like a gazelle's, long and swift as she ran down the street. Oh it's definitely her, I recognize those legs anywhere! She was heading towards the coffee shop probably to find shelter. She looked...Amazing. She was wearing a pink watercolor sundress with white strapped espadrilles. Her hair was tied in a low ponytail with a few loose curls. She had her pink/white purse over her head in order to shelter herself from the rain.

When I saw her there, a surge feeling from my preschool days returned. From where I was, I felt the need to run across the street and hover my umbrella over her to shelter her from the rain. Before I even gave it a thought, my instincts took over and the next thing I knew I was heading in her direction. Something **always** lures me to her. It's like a gravitational pull, and all it takes is just one look at her and my heart automatically responds.

As I arrived across the street I swiftly held the umbrella over her head. She didn't notice me at first, as she continued to quickly walk towards the cafe. After a few moments though, she realized she was no longer getting wet so she turned around and that's when our eyes met. Beautiful crystal blues were gazing at me reaching the depths of my soul, I was speechless and so was she. We stood there in the rain for quite awhile, words unspoken. Looking at her there, in the flesh, made a barrage of withheld feelings I had for her intensify ten-fold. Memory upon memory came to me one after another until I arrived at the very moment where we shared a very special moment which changed both of our lives drastically. The day I told her I loved her.

We were on the pier overlooking Elk Island we were so in love and so full of life.

As she stared at the sunset and the luminescence of the dwindling sun reflected on her creating a soft glow on her face, I knew I could never part with this heavenly beauty. I realized then that my future was with her. How did I lose sight of this? How could I have been such a fool? Me and my selfish pride. I think I should go now, my being here will only hurt her more. But...my feet won't move. As I stood there staring into her eyes every detail of that day was being replayed. Every second of every minute, every move I made, every word that was said. It was so...vivid, I couldn't contain myself. I was so overwhelmed at the memory that my eyes welled up with tears and a look of shame came across my face. "What have I done?" I cried out to her, with apologies and words of ineptitude following. I said to her if she could find it in her heart to forgive me one day that that would be all I ask of her. I couldn't ask her to take me back. I felt so ashamed that I just couldn't. Besides, she's moved on I'm sure of it. I deserved what I was about to receive, which would probably be a slap in the face and a bombardment of insults heading my way.

I was so out of it when I broke down that I did not realize when her arms wrapped themselves all around me like a warm blanket. She began to caress my back with a loving touch which soothed my nerves. The umbrella I was holding was no longer protecting us from the rain, as my arms remained limp at my sides; I felt unworthy to touch her. I don't deserve her.

After awhile, I rested my head upon her shoulder as the tears dissipated and I began to calm down. Her hands traveled up my back, to my neck, until it ended with her fingers running through my drenched hair. My eyes rolled into the back of my head at the sensation. Ooooh! Her touch always drives me insane. I continued to stay there with my eyes closed, head on her shoulder, arms still limp at my sides waiting for her to come to her senses and kick me to the curb. But all she did was lean into my ear and softly whisper, "Let's go home, Football-head", then she pulled back to look at me and smiled. I lifted up my head and just stood there, mouth agape not comprehending what just happened. She slightly pulled away from our embrace and gently brushed her lips over mine. From that point on, my lips had minds of their own, because I captured her lips again in mine and kissed her feverishly until I needed to come up for air. As I pulled away panting, I delicately placed my forehead on hers and I whispered, "Never again " she looked into my eyes in understanding and replied with another soft kiss on my lips. As we pulled apart fully soaked from the rain, she took my hand in hers and leaned against my shoulder. Then, we made the long journey back...home.

The End

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